Have Your Say Reviews

Finding a date

As I was saying, I sat myself down at the old keyboard and started clicking around with the mouse. Now as I feeling was a bit naughty and it had been a while, come on, I had been up the boohai (Remote Location) for the whole winter. I selected the feeling naughty tab in the corner, and blow me down there’s this spunk (sexy person) under the tab there all tied up with no gear (Cloths) on and great set of fun bags (breasts) and she wants to know my fetish. Well I do like a good roast leg of lamb. Any ways the sign say alternative life styles. That’s me I don’t live in the big smoke (city) I like the alternative, living in the bush. Not sure what DBSM meant. As it was free to join and I had yet to cash the paycheck, so I thought I’d give it a go. So I did.

Filled in the form, some funny questions there, but I ticked that I wanted to meet a sheila (woman.)

The next day after still no luck down at the local I went back to the cyber café and checked my email account that this larrikin (mischievous youth) had set up for me, well blow me down if there wasn’t a message for me in there. From a local lass (girl) that wanted to meet up. So I wrote back sure meet me at the local tonight.
Not long after that a rely came back.

The message read ‘Drive to Café Long Black. Be there at 7pm. DON’T BE LATE! Walk in and order a cappuccino to take away. I’ll be wearing a short black skirt, lace panties and matching
bra, a red top, 4 inch heels.

Wow this sounded grouse (great). So off for a scrub up (wash) and change the grunds (underpants) before meeting this mystery woman.

I drove to the café, with a massive boner (erect penis). Found a park for the old bomb (car) close by. The café was relatively full. I went to the bar and ordered a cappuccino, she could have made it a can of piss (can of beer) to go.
So I got my coffee and went over to a lean against a marble column. Checking out the babes. Looking for a short black skirt with a red top. A few minutes passed by and nothing matched what I was looking for. When I felt someone press up behind me and a hand grab my butt. I was about to turn around and deck (punch) that someone when a soft whisper in my ear said “Shhhhhh. Do not turn around. Listen carefully. In two minutes leave here and walk to the park. 300m past the entrance to the park you will walk over the bridge on your left and continue walking up that path. You are to hold your coffee in your left hand and your right is to be in your pocket. Nod your head if you understand me.” I nodded. I waited two minutes before turning and walked out of the café.

The park was huge and dark. I scanned the entrance and seeing no one around went over the bridge.

I heard a rustle of leaves behind me and heard the same voice whisper “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You will wait here for 5 minutes. Sit down and drink your coffee and then you may return to your car and await further instructions. Understood?” What the………. I started to say and turned around but no one was there. So I drank the coffee and headed back to the car.

On the car was a note with an address. The same hotel I was staying at while in town. I headed back to the hotel and knocked on the door of the room in the note.
The door opened “Glad you decided to come. I know that it’s been a while for both of us and I think we have a lot to offer each other. Come in, don’t be shy. It’s normal to be nervous but rest assured you are in good hands.”.

“Now, take off all of your clothes.” Boy this dame is keen. This is it, I thought. I’m going to get it on (sexual intercourse).

She led me into the bedroom. There was a pair of handcuffs beside the bed so I asked her if she was a cop. She laughed. Then I saw the whip. So I asked her if she was a dover, (cowboy) again the laugh.
After a while of getting to know each other she ends up handcuffing me to the bed all trussed up like a steer, except that I have all my bits. And then she started taking the whip to my rear. Then she turns me over and jumps on top. That was all right. But as soon as she had me out of those handcuffs I thanked her for a nice evening and buggered off (Got away).

After I had got over the shock of that experience I went back to the cyber café to look for a nicer girl. A nice quite Asian girl.

Man Looking For Love

Right laddie sit yar self-down. Oh you are, because you’re reading this on a computer. Got it. Anyway let me tell you a tale.

I was up the boohai (Remote Area) repairing fences for a couple of cow-cockies (Dairy Farmers) after the autumn storms. In fact I wintered over up there in a nice little shack living on underground mutton (Rabbit) and catching the odd Captain cooker (wild pig) with help of a bitser (mongrel dog).
As I was sitting on the long drop (toilet) one fine spring morning enjoying the view (door open) and watching the change of seasons. I got to thinking, I do that a lot on the long drop. Any way as winter turns to spring a young man mind turns to other things.
Plain and simple, I needed a root (sexual intercourse) in a bad way. So I just had to do something about it as the sheep across the way were starting to look good, in the wrong sort of way.
So I got the old bomb (car) out of the shed and headed for the big smoke (town).

I decided to look up the town bike (person free with sexual favours) at the local boozer (tavern).
Well after a few handles (pints) of the amber fluid (beer) I spotted what I took to be a hooer (lady of the night), now normally I would not touch one with a 40-foot barge pole (wouldn’t go near) but as I said I had a need. So I brought her some plonk (cheap wine) and came on to her with my best pick up line.
“Fancy a naughty in the old fart sack” (sexual intercourse in bed).
Well blow me down, If she did not knock me back and give me a knuckle sandwich for my trouble. (A refusal followed by a fist in the teeth)
I figured to was time to hit the road (leave) and the old puku (stomach) was in the need of a feed (meal).

As I staggered down to the pie cart (fast food outlet) for some greasies. (Fish and chips). I passed a new fangled place called a cyber café.
Now I had heard of these places and that there were all these women in a place called cyber space just waiting for a fine bloke (man) like me.
So I says to the larrikin (mischievous youth) behind the counter ”Mate (friend), can you hook me up with a sheila (woman) at mates rates (cheap deal) in cyber space?”
He looks at me like I’m a nong (fool). “Sure Mate, Click on one of those Boxes in the top right there and you’ll find all the sheila’s your looking for.
“kapai” (good)