Man Looking For Love
Right laddie sit yar self-down. Oh you are, because you’re reading this on a computer. Got it. Anyway let me tell you a tale.
I was up the boohai (Remote Area) repairing fences for a couple of cow-cockies (Dairy Farmers) after the autumn storms. In fact I wintered over up there in a nice little shack living on underground mutton (Rabbit) and catching the odd Captain cooker (wild pig) with help of a bitser (mongrel dog).
As I was sitting on the long drop (toilet) one fine spring morning enjoying the view (door open) and watching the change of seasons. I got to thinking, I do that a lot on the long drop. Any way as winter turns to spring a young man mind turns to other things.
Plain and simple, I needed a root (sexual intercourse) in a bad way. So I just had to do something about it as the sheep across the way were starting to look good, in the wrong sort of way.
So I got the old bomb (car) out of the shed and headed for the big smoke (town).
I decided to look up the town bike (person free with sexual favours) at the local boozer (tavern).
Well after a few handles (pints) of the amber fluid (beer) I spotted what I took to be a hooer (lady of the night), now normally I would not touch one with a 40-foot barge pole (wouldn’t go near) but as I said I had a need. So I brought her some plonk (cheap wine) and came on to her with my best pick up line.
“Fancy a naughty in the old fart sack” (sexual intercourse in bed).
Well blow me down, If she did not knock me back and give me a knuckle sandwich for my trouble. (A refusal followed by a fist in the teeth)
I figured to was time to hit the road (leave) and the old puku (stomach) was in the need of a feed (meal).
As I staggered down to the pie cart (fast food outlet) for some greasies. (Fish and chips). I passed a new fangled place called a cyber café.
Now I had heard of these places and that there were all these women in a place called cyber space just waiting for a fine bloke (man) like me.
So I says to the larrikin (mischievous youth) behind the counter ”Mate (friend), can you hook me up with a sheila (woman) at mates rates (cheap deal) in cyber space?”
He looks at me like I’m a nong (fool). “Sure Mate, Click on one of those Boxes in the top right there and you’ll find all the sheila’s your looking for.
“kapai” (good)
